Dear Westboro...

The shooting deaths in a Charleston, South Carolina church last week have shocked the world. We know evil exists, but rarely do we see this kind of hatred and blatant disrespect for life. Being a racist killer is one thing. But killing people while they are in church? I really didn't think you could get any lower. Then I heard that Westboro "Baptist" "Church" had plans to boycott the funerals of the nine victims and realized I was wrong. First of all, I'm not really sure who boycotts a funeral. Even the passing of a convicted criminal mastermind is a bit sad in that it is the loss of life. The loss of something magical. Respect for the dead is something generally given to those who are no longer with us.

What Does it Mean to be a Mother?

Mother's day is fast approaching. My thoughts are drawn to the mothers for whom this will be their first holiday spent without their child. Maybe they passed away, due to illness. Or they've moved away, to start a life on their own in a new city.

And my heart is drawn to the mothers who are facing Mother's Day without their own mother. The sense of profound closure and loneliness that haunts them.

Being a mom. What does it mean? I've been a mom since I was sixteen. For eight years I've been a part of this special group of people called mothers.

I remember when I was sixteen and found out I was pregnant thinking to myself, "I can't be someone's mom!" Even back then I understood the gravity of the situation that many people do not. Being a mother to a child is so much more than just giving birth to them and putting food in their mouths.

Being a mother is...

MAKE YOUR OWN LATTE AT HOME

 

Lattes are one of my favorite ways to enjoy coffee. Something about them is soothing and makes me feel fancy!
Here is an easy recipe that will give you a delicious latte at home that you can impress your friends with!

If God Answered My Prayer

I've been a Christian since I was a little girl. I grew up in a Pentecostal church, "backslid" like any good church kid does, and then honestly chose to follow Jesus at the age of sixteen.

My early twenties brought me a lot of grief, questions, pain, mixed emotions. I began to open my eyes to the world as it truly was and not just to the world I saw while I was inside the walls of my church. I began to question what I had believed for so long. I, like many if not all Christians, began to doubt.

To My Friend Who "Can't Wait to Have Kids"

Dear friend,

I love how excited you are about wanting to have kids. I know that seeing my angelic being of a child is enough to make you think that upon having your first kid you will be in for sunshine, rainbows, and a lifetime of happiness. But believe me when I tell you, that once you have your first child, your life is going to change. Forever.

Right now you are living in a land long forgotten to many moms. A land of independence and freedom that you will NEVER again get to experience post-baby. Your heart may feel somewhat of a deep connection with your hubby, depending on the day. But you are about to enter dangerous territory. I'm talking metaphorically cutting your heart out and letting it grow and live outside of your body.

"The Girl That Could Fly" : A Poem About Loving Yourself

This has been a year of self discovery for me. Year 25 of my little sweet life. I've faced some demons that have been lurking for years and years. I've realized things about myself that I disliked and also things that I've loved. The most monumental shift in my thinking over this year has been the change in my thoughts about myself. For a long time I felt like I didn't measure up. Like I wasn't good enough. I was constantly trying, struggling. In a lot of pain. But then I realized that, for all of my flaws, and my work that still needs to be done, I'm alright. I kind of actually love myself. And I'm pretty sure that's okay. Here is a poem I wrote about all of that. Just wanted to share it and hope that it can motivate you too!

"Give Me Back My Gushers!" How To Teach Your Kids To Be Generous

I have a parenting fear. Well, if I had to be honest, parenting is one of my greatest fears, if you haven't already picked that up. It's scary to think that I, (beautiful, crazy, unstable I) should have the responsibility of building a tiny human. I guess that is true for all of us though. No one completely has their lives together and we are all works in progress. Under construction, if you will.

Guilty Mom Sneaking

This morning, I come to you guilty.

Do you see that little face up there? That scowling, adorable face? I took this picture down in Miami at a restaurant called Catch of the Day. This is the look I get a lot when I want his picture.

As I was saying, that scowling face and child calls me mom. I am his whole world. With the exception of the pieces he hasn't given to his daddy, sports and Minecraft. Anyone who knows anything about me knows how much I love my son. And this morning,
I snuck away from him.

The Art of Parenting

Have you ever seen a piece of mosaic art? They usually are colored and can be made of stone, glass, pottery or other materials. What they all have in common is that they are made up of many tiny pieces that combine to make a beautiful whole.


In many ways the mosaic is a metaphor for our lives. Many different individuals combine to make up families, neighborhoods, communities, nations and ultimately, our Earth.

Pick Up Your Mat And Walk

My morning started out like any other. I woke up and tip toed to the coffee pot downstairs, making careful effort not to wake up my sleeping husband or son and thereby limit my amount of peaceful quiet time for personal reflection. I really love my mornings with my books, coffee, and journal. Most days the second I hit the on button on my machine, I hear two feet hit the floor, followed by seeing the precious face of my little boy, but today, I had a few minutes alone. Knowing I needed to get back in touch with my spirit, I have been reading through the book of John. First I took a few minutes to journal a lot of the feelings and anxieties I was already having at seven in the morning. The list was short but full of strife. I have too many options of what to worry about these days. I let the feelings flow and in about fifteen minutes I had listed my chief complaints with this life and felt like my soul was a little lighter.

Saying Goodbye to Last Year

"Oh what fragile things we are.

Skin and bones house glass hearts.."

Those are the first lines of a poem I've been hearing in my head for the past few months but haven't flushed out into anything resembling poetry yet. It resonates with me every time I hurt or hear of someone else hurting.

It's been about five months since I've written anything. Sometimes I don't write because I don't feel like I have anything to say. Sometimes I feel like I'm the least qualified to give any words of encouragement or advice. And sometimes I just wonder if anyone cares. There are a lot of blogs out there in cyberspace.

Did Man Invent God?

I like to consider myself a thinking Christian. A lot of times Christians are thought of as people of blind faith that believe what they believe for no apparent reason other than that they've been told to believe it.

I like to think I'm a little more interested in the truth than that. Maybe a little too interested. I'd like you to take a moment to gaze into the face of this image on the left. This is what I found when I Google image searched for "God".

I suppose this is what man thinks God would look like. Coming down from the clouds with a beard, a flowing gown, rays beaming from him. Always old. Every time. God is depicted as the old man in the sky.



Now, don't get me wrong. I do believe that Jesus is one day going to come in similar fashion, though I can't say exactly what it will look like, but what I'm taking aim at is man's concept of God. Where exactly are we getting these ideas? These images?

Is God something that we've created in our own minds?

Now when you ask this question, you have to look at its reverse first to fully grasp what we are really asking.

Did man make God?

or

Did GOD make man?

The hidden question here is about life's basic origin. It really always comes back to this creation vs. evolution thing. (insert crazy conspiracy theory here).

Atheists or Christian Theists: Who Is More Reasonable?

I'm extremely fascinated by the evolution/creation debate. Questions about the origins of our universe and humanity specifically effect everything about how we live our lives today. The question of whether there is a God who created everything, or if everything is just an accident, is in my opinion, the most important question in the universe. Yes, more important than what drink you want to order from Starbucks.. 

"Uhh.. I'll have a grande, caramel.. hot... fancy.. delicious..."

Deliver Us From Evil

I don't know about you, but there are days when I'm just sick. Sick of the world we live in. Sick of the way it is. You don't get to go one day without some sort of violent crime or horrific disaster filling your line of sight via Facebook, CNN, or the newspaper.

We are all fundamentally "off" on some level. Every single one of us. Some of us more deeply than others. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we can say that our own level of depravity is definitely greater than what we show on the outside. We may not be a serial killer, but how many of us have never had thoughts that could get you arrested had they led to actions. Our consciences bear witness to the fact that we know what we ought to do but yet we don't do it. There is a sort of moral law that is indeed written on our hearts. It accuses us when we do the wrong thing and fills us with guilt. How are we to escape the cycle?

"They demonstrate that God's law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right." Romans 2:15

Parents mistreat their children. Their children grow up to mistreat others. The planet is falling down all around us. No one can get along. Everyone is out for self. The universal struggle.

Now evolutionists would have you to believe that we just evolved and the violence and depravity we experience are a result of our instincts to kill. The strong survive and the weak perish. But I believe it goes deeper than that.

What type of animal if left unloved by it's parents, grows up with a need for affection so deep that he seeks to fill it by any means necessary? I've never seen an animal trying to hit up the local bar or score some drugs on the corner. There is something fundamentally and inexplicably different about us people. No. We are a beast of another kind entirely.

We have these emotional needs. We have this psyche, this "us" that has needs- not just physical- emotional needs. We desire belonging, protection, acceptance, love, mercy as well as goodness. We want justice and peace, yet inside we are bent towards doing only what will satisfy our deepest needs. We hurt others in the process of trying to numb our own emotional pains.

What Does Insecurity Look Like?

in·se·cu·ri·ty

ˌinsiˈkyo͝oriti/

noun

1. 1.

   uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.

   "she had a deep sense of insecurity"

   ;

2. 2.

   the state of being open to danger or threat; lack of protection.

   "growing job insecurity"

   synonyms:

   unstable, rickety, rocky, wobbly, shaky, unsteady, precarious;

What I Learned from a Stapler

It's spring break and I have to work, so my son is with me here in my office. He was watching "Shrek, the Musical" (don't ask) on Netflix, but came and started playing with the stapler. Probably not my best parenting decision ever, but I like the little guy to explore his surroundings and figure out how things work. 

The next thing I know, he has lodged a staple deep into his finger and is panicking. He is partly calm looking at the finger, but tears are coming down his cheeks. When I go to remove it, he freaks, and wiggles, and won't let me touch it. 

What Will You Choose Today?

 

Have you ever noticed that gravity doesn't get to decide whether it wants to operate or not?

The water cycle, weather, seasons, even the earth in it's orbit- none of these things get to choose their actions. They operate along fixed laws that are set and don't fail. A lot of our universe operates in this way. Things behave a certain way and they generally stick to that pattern. Some things may operate in ways that seem "chaotic" such as volcanoes erupting or space rocks flying through the sky, but the point remains that they are just moving, they have absolutely no say in whether or not they erupt, or fly through the sky. Animals have choices in some ways. They can choose in a sense I suppose as far as what they want to eat, where they want to walk. But even they, follow in certain patterns, and they don't really show a lot of concern about where they are going or what they are doing, or whether or not they have gone the wrong way or done something wrong.

I've never seen a deer weeping. This is a cute image though.

 

However, we humans are of a peculiar sort. In a universe that operates on fixed laws, we are completely free. 

Now, some people might say that we are "determined" since we are simply "chemicals and a body and nothing more". But anyone who has lived life knows we aren't determined. We have a free choice in what we do every single day.

When we wake up each day, we have thousands of choices before us.

Will we choose to eat breakfast, or not? Will we wake up early to exercise, or sleep in? Will we be grumpy and rush our children, or be kind and understanding?

At work, will we be effective employees, or slackers?

Will we go to the gym after work, or will we go take a nap? Will we smile at our co-workers or keep to ourselves? Wave, or not wave?

Choices.

They are everywhere and they affect us all the way down to the deepest levels in personal questions such as..

Will we choose to daily acknowledge our creator, or live our lives as though he doesn't exist? Setting ourselves up as judge and jury of life.

Will we choose to pursue only the things that will make us happy or will we adhere to a set of guidelines, a moral code of some sort?

$1,000 dollars might make me happy right now, so should I go and steal it from the bank?

No, that would be illegal and that action would have consequences.

Just like robbing a bank has consequences, all of our choices have consequences.

That choice to eat fast food for lunch is one step closer to poor health. The choice to dwell on negative thoughts leads to depression which leads to health issues.

The more I think about our lives and what makes us human I realize that each day is a choosing game.

We have been endowed as humans as truly free creatures, and it is up to us as to how we will use our freedom.

I've often wondered why it seems like God isn't more visible or why he doesn't make his reality more present in the world in an obvious way. Think 10,000 foot Jesus dancing on the lawn of the White House singing a praise song. Or you pray and then POOF!"Hello, I'm Jesus. What can I do for you today?"

I think it is because God has set everything up as a choice. He's given us the free choice of whether we want to come to him and live or refuse to come to him and ultimately pay many costly prices throughout our lives and thereafter.

Living life without God means no hope, no meaning, no moral law, no happiness, no justice, so many things get mucked up, confusing and painful. We have no hope of healing for our hurts and needs.

Surely this isn't the choice we were made to make. The Bible says that people who reject God, do so of their own choice, even though God has made himself plain to them. (Romans 1:18)

When you look at our world, you see that you do indeed get a choice. To believe God is behind it, or to contrive an alternate "story" of how things got to be just so.

The choice is yours of whether you would come to him and live, or make a different choice.

But that is just it. The choice is yours. God will not appear in bodily form in the sky with a disco ball to appease us and help us make our choice to follow him. That would be forced devotion. We would follow and worship out of fear, not out of love. When we come to God as revealed in his Word and choose to believe him as opposed to man made, relative, just-so stories, our eyes are opened, and our minds renewed. The life he gives is the good and beautiful life and one worth choosing every day.

“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This[b] is the key to your life."

 

Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Just thinking..

Maybe We Should Take the Autopilot Off

Here's the thing.

I wish I was schedule-ey. I wish I was more disciplined. 

I'm not good at diets. I'm not good at sticking to exercise routines. My house is frequently in disorder. 

At this point, I could go ahead and blame it on my personality. So, I think I'll do just that!

I'm an "artist" type.. Which is code for "I'm all feely, emotional, crazy, creative, and messy". I like to do a lot, explore a lot, try a lot, and go non-stop, which can leave me frazzled, disorganized, and drained. Just trying to make it through the day.

But, alas!

Such is the life for a creative type like myself.

Dear Models on the Cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

Hey ladies,

You don't know me and I don't know you. However, you have impacted my life. And I want to let you know.

I'm 24. I live in South Carolina. I have a son who's 7 and a husband who is 28. We are an average family I guess.

I don't know much about you.

I know you're beautiful, on the cover of a magazine, you're pretty tan, you seem happy in the picture, I'm sure you're having a great time...oh! And I also know what your butt cheeks look like. They're pretty, I guess. Very, um fat free? But yes. I know what your rump looks like. All three of you.

Which is strange because I don't know you. Or anything about you. I don't know what your favorite foods are. What you like to do with your free time. Your hopes and dreams. Your cares and fears. Nothing.

3 Ways to Deal with Disappointment

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's Wednesday and I'm working today. Usually that would be normal, but today, it's very un-normal and very disappointing.

You see, I had taken today off from work to go on a field trip with the little Mr. and due to the rain, it was "postponed".

Even though it was just a field trip, I was looking forward to today. This morning I was singing and woke him up in an annoying way making it apparent that I was WAY more excited for this day than he was.

Now in the car, after getting the word, I tried to talk my son into a peaceful mood before dropping him off for a regular, educational, non-trip-filled school day. I started to think about this thing called disappointment and why we encounter it, and how we can deal with it when it inevitably comes knocking.