Weeping, Nightmares, and the Wisdom of God

So I'm sure your first question is probably, "Why has Jessie changed her blog again?" and I can answer that for you reaaaal quick like..

I. get. bored. easily.

I like change! Some people are afraid of it. I'm more afraid  of the static of sameness.

Okay! Moving on..

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"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14

Last night.. was a bad night.

It may be near to that time of the month when women get all extra emotional, which for me sort of seems like an all the time thing. (Maybe I should just accept my super emotional life status, and get a job caring for the elderly, orphans, or something else. I just can't fight this tender heart.. Try as I may). Anyways, Last night was hard. There are a few things I'm struggling with.

One thing in particular.

There is an area of my life that I seriously need God to help me in.

I have the option to follow him, though it hurts, or turn and do my own thing.

Sometimes, I've found this to be the case in life:

 What we know God asks from us based on what he has revealed to us in his word and through Jesus, seems hard! Too hard. We don't think we can handle it.

 We feel like maybe we can find a little side path and take that since it will be easy.

The narrow road is getting too hard to follow. The habit is too hard to break, the sin too great a temptation, the pleasure too alluring, the fear too overwhelming.

Through our normal course of human life, we go through storms, trials, and tests.

We have the choice though, to follow our Lord, or to make things up for ourselves as we go along.

There is a way that seems right to a person, but eventually it ends in death. Proverbs 16:25

So last night, I'm crying.. because the situation is upsetting me. I'm asking God to help, to walk me through this. Thanking him that he is with me and loves me and knowing that I can trust him. 

I'm walking that tightrope between "my heart hurts" and "I still trust you Lord". 

Wrestling with the easy way of falling into sin, versus staying the course, and I fall asleep to this dream.

I don't know why or how, but for whatever reason I had shot someone. They were dead for sure. I shot them like at least eight times. 

I was in a house and felt the overwhelming dread that I was about to be caught. I would be arrested. I tried to hide the evidence but the pressure was so intense. Just knowing that I had dug my grave and would soon be caught. Doing the wrong thing would soon have a consequence. Life as I knew it was gone forever.  

I woke up in the middle of the night and meditated on this dream. God's ways are best. No way that I could walk away from him would ever take care of me the way I know he can. 

All it takes is one misstep to throw your life into chaos. Sin has consequences.

Today I will trust God no matter how I feel. Knowing that he has a plan for me and will work everything out for my good. Even when doing things his way seems hard, I know it honors him when I do it anyways! I trust him. I know he will help me and that he has all that I need for this life and the next.