How to Raise a "Terrific Kid"

This is my son,

CARTER

throwing up his favorite team's (Miami Hurricanes) infamous "U". I have to take a few minutes to brag on him this morning. He got awarded the "Terrific Kid" award this month by his teacher. They give it out to the kid who best exemplifies being a good student and a good person. Basically- to a kid who is... terrific! 


I was wondering how long it would take before he got this award because to me, the kid is so clearly terrific. He plays football like a beast at six years old and dreams of playing at the University of Miami. He loves to listen to Lecrae and raps about God to the best of his ability. A lot of it is just him saying, "Blah Blah, and not the actual lyrics, but occasionally he will repeat one word for word and actually understand it and it's the most wonderful sound ever!

This morning was our first actual award ceremony to attend for our one and only child. I guess it is sort of a milestone. And even though he only walked past his principal, shook her hand, and then walked by- the coupons for free ice cream and pictures of him holding a certificate didn't make me cry. But I did cry. I cried because 

I don't know how this has happened.

How a teenage mom with no idea how to raise a child could have raised this wonderful of a person. 

I'm so thankful for the love and power of God working in my life and continuing to help me and give me strength. Without it I could do nothing. I know that God has his hand on Carter and I'm glad he is the one who is really doing most of the raising of him. There have been days when I have just broken down and cried. Cried out to God and said, "I can't do this thing!", "I can't raise a child!", "Please will you just do it?" I ask God to shield Carter from my imperfections and flaws. Lord knows they are many.

That being said, there are a few things that I do to help do my part that I feel are important when raising a terrific kid. 

This is not a complete list of ALL the great things you can do, but it is just a few..

1. I don't let him walk all over me. 

 A lot of parents struggle to discipline their kid. They either do too much, or from fear of hurting their child they don't do anything to discipline them at all! What happens is the kid ends up being a bit of a brat and the parents become spineless and having no idea how to get a grip. At the end of the day, YOU are the parent. YOU are in charge, and your child has to know it. You have to set boundaries, like; 

     you can't talk disrespectfully to people, 
     you can't hit people, 
     you will behave in public, 
     you will perform your responsibilities, etc. 

When the child doesn't follow directions you HAVE to discipline in some form. For Carter I like to take away his outside time. He can lose any number of things that he loves doing if he doesn't behave. I also give him spankings if he behaves in a way that shows outright disrespect or disregard for authority. That is a WHOLE different topic in and of itself. In my opinion a spanking that is carried out calmly and not in a violent manner is effective. You can disagree if you wish. To sum up this point- You must be the one in control. Now don't go getting power hungry and seek to be in control at all costs! That is dangerous. I've done that in the past. I had to be the boss! So I yelled and fussed and restricted his every move. It's not rocket science even if it feels like it is. Just set limits, and consequences for if they aren't followed, then enforce said consequences. And never, for any reason, FREAK OUT! After the discipline or before the punishment is told, explain to your child what they did wrong. For example..

You pushed Johnny down and hurt him when I had asked you to stop fighting, therefore we are going home after you apologize. 

You didn't clean your room like I asked, so we will not go outside until it is done.

 I once read that really passive parents make their children feel insecure. They aren't sure of limits or boundaries in their lives so they don't feel safe and protected. That really helped me to get a grip on my passive parenting style. I have to help the little guy know what is right and what is not. 

No matter how much you've messed up as a parent or failed to be in charge..

you can start today!

Now, your kid may not respond right away, and may not be ready to give up his position of power. But if you stand firm in the formulas

Bad behavior=consequence (carried out by a calm and in control parent)
Good behavior= affirmation and positive reinforcement


eventually he or she will get in line. 

  2. I let him know that I love him and am proud of him.

This goes without saying. Your kids need to know and feel your love and approval of who they are. I try to spend as much time with Carter as I can within reason. I don't come to him at all times and since he is an only child, I try to teach him to do some independent activities so he isn't dependent on me to be his playmate. I do try to find the time each day for us to have special quality time doing things together. We play UNO or football or video games. He likes to be outside, so I join him in that. I also kiss him a lot, which is super easy because he is the cutest. I tell him he is growing into a kind and strong man. I try to build his self esteem as much as I can, but I also help him do things on his own and that leads to the next point.

  3. I let him do things for himself.

I'm his mom, so naturally I want to help him. However, if it is something he can do on his own, like tie his shoes, he is doing it. I try to help him gain independence whenever possible. Some things kids still need our help with at age 6, like brushing their teeth and making their meals. But he is very much able to shower, dress, go to the bathroom, do his homework with minimal supervision and do other things alone because I push him to try it on his own. 

I don't always do it FOR HIM.

 That is a huge issue when you do EVERYTHING for your kid, they never get that satisfaction of a job well done. I saw on the show Supernanny where a parent was still wiping their 6 year old son's rear end after a poop... I'm going to say if you are the family that was doing that, it might be time to cut a little of that rope! 

  4. I watch his influences.

I try to not let him hang out with kids whose parents don't have any clear and apparent moral standards. If you are a parent you know what I mean. You really are the company you keep and while I encourage him to care for and respect everyone, I'm careful of who he is constantly around. I also try to make sure he watches and listens to age appropriate material.. Do I want him watching "I Carly" and seeing the boys and girls kiss?? (ugh) No, because that is not age appropriate. And yes, I am that mom with her hand over her kids eyes, but it works. He also now just says, "I got it mom", and covers them himself now. 

 5. I watch MY influence.

The hardest part of being a parent is realizing that 

your child will become a mini you. 

Everything you do that they see or don't see they soak up like a sponge! Your child will become most like the person they are around the most time. (This is again why I watch who his friends are). However, that person for us, is me! And some days, I'm not a good role model. I can be emotionally spastic....(sad but true), I can be short, I can have so much attitude that every thing I say drips in sass... So yeah, let me just say that I have had to grow up a lot in order to be a better role model. I think we all need to watch how we behave in front of our children because that is how they will behave. The way you treat them is how they will treat YOU and others. Scary- but so true.

  6. I teach him about God.

In order to teach your child about God, YOU must first know him. If you don't I would encourage you to start reading about God in the book of Matthew in The Bible as well as the rest of the books that follow Matthew in the New Testament. There you will learn about Jesus. Emmanuel- God with us. The visual image of the invisible God. He came to show us God and to reveal God to man, also to give sinful men a right standing and relationship with God. That is the God I teach Carter about. This is the God who I believe created us and loves us. Knowing God helps to answer the questions of life and gives you an identity that nothing can shake. That is important for me and for Carter as well. When he gets older I will encourage him to pursue truth and will be there to answer any questions he has about God, faith, and life. 

So that is it for now. Just a few big things that came to mind. Hopefully they can help you in your parenting journey. We all want to have a "Terrific Kid". It isn't something that just happens. It takes work! Stay with it, and never give up on your most important job!

Jessie