This post is inspired by my daily struggle to be the wife that my husband deserves.
I've been married for four years, five in March, and I'm just starting to understand how much men and women are different and how those differences impact our lives together.
I would be willing to say that at least 95% of my own marital struggles have stemmed from the fact that I am a woman who married a man.
It's like pink marrying blue,
a cat marrying a dog,
two totally different types of people coming together to become one.
My husband is a totally different person than anything I've ever experienced as a woman.
He doesn't act like I do,
think like I do,
relate to people like I do
or even speak like I do.
If you learn anything from this post, learn this-
Men and women are different.
As is, we're not the same!
He doesn't act like I do,
think like I do,
relate to people like I do
or even speak like I do.
If you learn anything from this post, learn this-
Men and women are different.
As is, we're not the same!
Studies have shown that the primary way that men feel loved and cherished in a relationship is by being with a woman who respects them and appreciates them for who they are as a man.
Now, there is a right way to do this, and there is a wrong way to do it too.
If you try to love your husband as you would want to be loved, chances are you will miss him entirely.
I've done this numerous times and expected my husband to feel loved and be happy only to find out later that I had left some need unmet for him. I had neglected him without even realizing it!
That is because men and women most times speak different love languages.
If you haven't ever heard of Love languages, I suggest you check out this book.
For men and women it goes like this:
In a relationship, women need love.
They need to feel loved and accepted, and feel warm feelings of kindness and caring and the like.
But men don't value those things as highly and important as we do.
It's more important for them that they are respected, appreciated, valued for the work they do and enjoyed by their wife.
If you try to love your husband as you would want to be loved, chances are you will miss him entirely.
I've done this numerous times and expected my husband to feel loved and be happy only to find out later that I had left some need unmet for him. I had neglected him without even realizing it!
That is because men and women most times speak different love languages.
If you haven't ever heard of Love languages, I suggest you check out this book.
For men and women it goes like this:
In a relationship, women need love.
They need to feel loved and accepted, and feel warm feelings of kindness and caring and the like.
But men don't value those things as highly and important as we do.
It's more important for them that they are respected, appreciated, valued for the work they do and enjoyed by their wife.
Basically if you want to be a good wife to a typical man, you have to learn to speak to his heart in the way that he speaks.
You have to speak man-love language.
You can't love him the way you want to be loved because he isn't a woman.
You have to speak man-love language.
You can't love him the way you want to be loved because he isn't a woman.
Recently my husband showed me this list. It gives you 100 ways you can love your husband HIS way. Not the way you think he wants to be loved.
He expressed (and again, my husband is the typical man) that these things hit the nail on the head of what he would say his basic needs are in marriage.
He expressed (and again, my husband is the typical man) that these things hit the nail on the head of what he would say his basic needs are in marriage.
I realize that some people who are reading this article may not be married, so if you check out that list above and see where it talks about meeting a man's sexual needs-
ignore that part!
Hopefully if you are in a committed dating relationship with a man, he is the type of man who understands that his sexual needs are met in a marriage relationship and not until then.
With the world the way it is now it can be very easy for men to start having sex and then become addicted to the feelings and satisfaction it brings. They then accept it as part of dating for them.
They might try to make you feel like you have to have sex with them or they won't like you, you're not being a good girlfriend if you don't have sex with them, they will move on to someone who will have sex with them, etc.
If you are dating a guy and he doesn't want to be with you because you won't have sex with him, please move on.
There are many men out there who will be willing to treat you and your lovely and precious body with the utmost respect and if they feel led to be with you forever, they will propose to you and
one day when you are married, you can meet his sexual needs...
like a boss.
ignore that part!
Hopefully if you are in a committed dating relationship with a man, he is the type of man who understands that his sexual needs are met in a marriage relationship and not until then.
With the world the way it is now it can be very easy for men to start having sex and then become addicted to the feelings and satisfaction it brings. They then accept it as part of dating for them.
They might try to make you feel like you have to have sex with them or they won't like you, you're not being a good girlfriend if you don't have sex with them, they will move on to someone who will have sex with them, etc.
If you are dating a guy and he doesn't want to be with you because you won't have sex with him, please move on.
There are many men out there who will be willing to treat you and your lovely and precious body with the utmost respect and if they feel led to be with you forever, they will propose to you and
one day when you are married, you can meet his sexual needs...
like a boss.
I don't for a second think that it is a girlfriends job to meet her boyfriends sexual needs. Single men and women should both keep their bodies reserved for their future spouses.
Before we look at these ways we can love our husbands, let me say that as a woman, in order to love your husband the right way, you must let go of your pride.
When you read these points, if you feel like you don't want to do those things, you are dealing with a pride problem.
You have to be humble to be the type of wife that makes for a good marriage.
It takes humility to submit and respect someone even when at times you don't feel like it. But, these are the things that make a marriage work, at least from the wives perspective.
Hopefully you have a good man that will respond to these ways you are choosing to show him love, with the type of love you need in return!
That being said, here are 3 ways to love your husband that I have pulled from the list of 100 above, that I think are really important. And these are totally non-sexual so they can relate to a courting and serious dating relationship too!
I was always a bit of a brat growing up.
I was a sarcastic sassy rat.
I can say that looking back because I'm not quite as bad anymore and by the grace of God I am growing and being more loving each day.
Some days less than others, but that is another story.
Anyways, when you talk to your husband, stop being disrespectful.
Think about how you would talk to your boss, principal when you were in school, maybe your father if you were brought up in that type of home environment, or even how you would talk to God.
I know this sounds a little crazy, but it is what it is.
Men need to feel respected and if you speak to your husband like he is a dog, if you run off at the mouth and act like a little sassy rat..he isn't going to want to be around you.
Trust me.
I have had to learn, God knows I've had to work on this one so much, how to hold my tongue and change my attitude. But that is part of growing up and not being a little girl anymore.
Try this- the next time your husband says something and it pushes your buttons, where you would normally say something combative or defensive in response, just listen to his point, and at the end say, "Alright."
Simple as that.
When you read these points, if you feel like you don't want to do those things, you are dealing with a pride problem.
You have to be humble to be the type of wife that makes for a good marriage.
It takes humility to submit and respect someone even when at times you don't feel like it. But, these are the things that make a marriage work, at least from the wives perspective.
Hopefully you have a good man that will respond to these ways you are choosing to show him love, with the type of love you need in return!
That being said, here are 3 ways to love your husband that I have pulled from the list of 100 above, that I think are really important. And these are totally non-sexual so they can relate to a courting and serious dating relationship too!
- Respectfully communicate with him.
I was always a bit of a brat growing up.
I was a sarcastic sassy rat.
I can say that looking back because I'm not quite as bad anymore and by the grace of God I am growing and being more loving each day.
Some days less than others, but that is another story.
Anyways, when you talk to your husband, stop being disrespectful.
Think about how you would talk to your boss, principal when you were in school, maybe your father if you were brought up in that type of home environment, or even how you would talk to God.
I know this sounds a little crazy, but it is what it is.
Men need to feel respected and if you speak to your husband like he is a dog, if you run off at the mouth and act like a little sassy rat..he isn't going to want to be around you.
Trust me.
I have had to learn, God knows I've had to work on this one so much, how to hold my tongue and change my attitude. But that is part of growing up and not being a little girl anymore.
Try this- the next time your husband says something and it pushes your buttons, where you would normally say something combative or defensive in response, just listen to his point, and at the end say, "Alright."
Simple as that.
2. Appreciate him for who he is and what he does for you, even if he isn't perfect.
As strange as it may seem, men are often just as insecure as women.
For an interesting book on how a mans heart is wired, check out the book Wild at Heart.
Men need to feel like they are appreciated and desired. Your husband wants to come home to a wife that likes him.
You may say with your mouth that you love your husband, but your actions are screaming to him every day that you hate him.
Do your best to live in a way that shows that you're happy he is around.
This can be shown by giving him space to be who he is, and not always trying to change him.
Let him have some football time on the couch .
Let him play his video games or participate in his hobby sometimes without glaring at him from across the room.
If he is going out working every day, let him know you appreciate his efforts.
Let go of some of the nagging and trying to change him into this Mr. Wonderful idea you have in your head.
The way to get a man to change is to become a woman worth changing for.
You can do this by becoming a woman who just lets her husband be a man.
If there are huge problems and things he is doing that need to be addressed, then do it respectfully and kindly, realizing that he has feelings too. But stop hovering around him and being so critical of him all the time.
The sad thing is, a man needs to feel liked, and if you don't show him that you like him, you will leave him open to being tempted at work or other places.
Some girl at his job might give him the pat on the back that he needs so desperately and then you could be in big trouble.
Be his biggest cheerleader and show him that you are happy to be with him.
My husband told me last night that he doesn't even need me to verbally affirm him, just to live in a way that shows that I'm happy with him.
That doesn't seem too hard.
Sometimes this can be difficult if your hubby has been being a bit of a buttmunch lately.
But this can sometimes be caused by a lack of respect being felt by him, or if he feels
like you hate him!
If you can put yourself to work on these things and try to be the best wife you can be, I'm almost sure his behavior will improve and he will become easier to love.
3. Be his best friend.
Men really like to feel like they can be friends with their wife. They enjoy just being next to the woman they love. Make time for you and your husband to just be together. Sit next to him quietly and read while he does something he likes to do, or plan an outing he would like. I even went and played paintball with my husband once.
It was terrifying, but I might do it again, just because I know he loved it.
(Side note: it WAS fun, I just didn't enjoy the getting shot part. Especially in the head.)
Make your home a place of laughter and friendship.
Become his buddy and the rest will follow.
If you start to show your husband these types of love and affection, as well as some of the others on the list, I can say without a doubt from personal experience, he will feel better about your relationship and in turn things will start to run smoother around your house.
You will finally be loving him his way.
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